I asked myself few times about this.
The reason to that led to this question is because of some things I have been doing lately, like for example:
1) Just think about Halloween
2) Collect graveyard dirt
3) Spend a lot of time researching about Salem Witch Trials
4) Downloading documentaries about witches and etc.
5) Too much Tim Burton movies
I see myself as a full darkness daughter, creature, whatever, Halloween, as you know, is my favorite date ever, the only one I celebrate, the only that has a meaning for me.
I think all the time about buying pumpkins and carve them, without care if its Halloween or not, only to decorate my home, I also think about just using candles in my house, forget the electricity and just use the candles, I don’t feel interest on TV anymore, unless if I am watching some movie or documentary about the themes that I like, I would like to fully isolate myself, The only problem for me is that I am an internet-addicted.
I always liked to go at cemeteries, but usually I would just go there and take a walk, pictures (That I will show someday), sit down and think, but lately I started doing more than that, I started picking fallen leaves and dirt from the graves.
Many people go to the cemeteries, some take the dogs for a walk or the kids.
It is an old Jew cemetery, really old, so people see that more as a park, than cemetery.
I like to go deep in the cemetery, like, the end of it, where we find big wall graves, monuments, etc., not many people go there, so I feel a lot better there.
I never cared if someone would notice me taking some dirt, I wonder if I cross the limits by doing this, but then I hear myself say, like: “Crossing the limits? Hey, it’s not like you are opening the graves and stealing things”.
The funny is that I am a Supernatural-Fanatic, at least until season 4, and I saw many times reference to graveyard dirt and I started thinking about it.
I am collecting it now.
You know… Halloween is everyday for me, just like Tim Burton once said, and I agree with him.
I love Tim Burton, he turned my childhood into something more interesting with his movies, the first one I watched was The nightmare Before Christmas, I think in 93, when it was released, I remember going to rent the movie, and I ate hot dogs while watching it, or ice cream with cake… good times.
After that, I started getting fully interested for him and his movies, even though there are some I never watched.
I wanted to paint my walls black, hang orange and green wreaths on my walls, put some carved pumpkins around, buy a caldron, some old fashioned brooms, candles everywhere, incenses… that would be great.
I just wear Goth outfits, so related to dressing I wouldn’t have problems, the deal is that I live with my mother, and she wouldn’t like such thing, but related to how I get dressed is no matter for her.
I don’t like the world nowadays, I don’t like this century and the people, I wanted to be on Old Salem, even with everything that happened, I match more to that time, I identify more.
I would be picked as a witch… but I don’t care.
Life is too short for you to pretend to be something you are not and don’t do things you like for fear of how others will label you.
They are always going to label you, it doesn’t matter what you do, just like some of you may be labeling me already, but that’s fine.
I don’t have reasons to ignore my inner wishes, I embrace it, it makes me feel better, it is who I am.
